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Do you ever think that if it weren`t for someone smoking Marijuana they might of killed you already. . .
Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on the internet right now.
My panic room is a walk-in beer cooler at the liquor store.
One of these days I`m going to get help for my procrastination problem.
You know you`re getting old when you`re looking forward to some time off so you can have like three doctors appointments.
Remember when the world ended last year?
I hate Russian nesting dolls. They`re so full of themselves
Me: Where can I find the milk? Her: Sir, this is a library. Me: *whispers* Sorry, where can I find the milk?
would a fly without wings be called a walk?
When I go to the gas station I always get two kinds of drinks so it appears I actually have a friend..I think they`re catching on though.
Why is it when I flush the toilet in the middle of the night, I have a feeling I woke up the entire neighbourhood?
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
Of all the possible utensils that could have been invented to eat rice with... How did 2 sticks win out!?
Growing up teachers always told me there was no such thing as a stupid question. Eight years in retail has determined that was a lie.
I thought 50 shades of gray was just a makeup application guide for goth chicks