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How to get a woman mad in 2 easy steps: 1. Take a picture of her. 2. Don`t show it to her.
I`m pretty sure some of you just drag your face across the keyboard and hit send.
Welcome to WebMD. Type quickly, you don`t have long.
I was struggling,trying to figure out how lightning works .....then it struck me!
I have no idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.
When you buy Halloween candy to hand out as an adult, it`s like you are paying for all the free candy you got when you were a kid.
Every time I go into my boss` office she tells me "take a seat". I have 14 now.
Today is a great day. The mailman just delivered me an Iron Maiden cassette, which finally fulfills my Columbia House commitment.
"Wish You Were Beer!" Wait...no...that`s right...send.
The best revenge is to kidnap your enemy, tie him up, then pop bubble wrap in front of him and make him watch.
Well if you didn`t want me to fall in love with you, why did you tell me you had nachos?
Don`t send me a ;) face and then wonder why I show up at your house naked.
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn`t take and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.
Remember....... Its not drinking alone if you`re on Facebook ;)
My doctor told me to eat more bacon cheeseburgers. Well, what he technically said was to eat "less pizza", but I`m pretty sure I know what he meant.