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They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
Bring donuts so your coworkers will like you. Cut them in half so they will hate you again.
I wash once and dry 3-4 times, depending on how much I want to delay folding my clothes.
Chasing your dreams is hard... especially when that damn alarm keeps going off
My wife just opened a jar of pickles by herself and I can`t help but think that my days around here are numbered...
I was drivin home tonight and was singin away and seen a tree ahead and swerved to miss it and realized it was my air freshener hangin from my rear view mirror!!!! CLOSE CALL!!!
When we give each other a thumbs up, it`s our way of mocking every other animal on earth.
just read a list of "the 100 things to do before you die." I´m pretty surprised "yell for help" wasn´t one of them.
Hoodie Footie Pajamas from Pajamagram; because nothing tells a girl you love her like giving her something to cover up her body from head to toe before she gets in your bed.
WANTED: Someone to follow me around and whisper "You`re an adult" every few minutes.
I`d like to thank the bars for being there for me.
Didn`t think my day could get any better but my robe has pockets so boom, there you go.
Lisa has 750 friends on Facebook. A week later she adds 150 more to her friends list. What does she have? Answer-Big Boobs
I play hard to get along with.
My ex-girlfriend broke up with me because she says I was obsessed with football. I was shocked. I mean we were together for 3 1/2 seasons.