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I called one of those numbers in the bathroom stall and my wife answered. Very funny guys.
Crap, summer is here and I`m nowhere near in drinking shape yet.
Turbo tax might just be the worst video game I ever played.
I hate it when the movie trailer is better than the movie itself.
I didn`t see anyone important yesterday, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes today.
The Brain ? Forgets what I want to remember, Remembers what I want to forget.
It’s not really drinking alone if the dog is home ... right?
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. Except for bodily functions...Hopefully you can control THEM. :/
Keep calm and pretend today isn’t Monday.
I already want to take a nap tomorrow.
Stop waiting for the perfect moment. Take a moment and make that sh!t perfect.
There`s a time and a place for non-alcoholic beer. Never, and down the drain.
facebook is the only book we read everyday.
If your cat has a Facebook page, we can`t be friends.
Snails would be terrifying if they moved quickly.