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If you`ve never played Tetris, you`re probably useless at loading a dishwasher
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication
My mom never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
So my friend is mad at me because I slept with her ex. Her instructions were very clear when they broke up, she said "F*ck that guy!"
great minds and dirty minds have something in common, they think alike
My daughter wants to know when the hamster we "planted" in the garden will start growing.
Sticks and stones, break my bones, but hollow points expand on impact!
I think sharks eat people just to be on tv.
I add "Drink Beer" to my weekend to-do list so I know I`ll at least get one thing done.
I`m optimistic that within my lifetime it will become acceptable to wear your underwear to the supermarket.
I don`t have a drinking problem ... I`m just really thirsty.
Horoscopes: When you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend to blame for your failures, try the solar system
This is odd?!?! The hour we lost this weekend was the one when I was planning to go to the gym.
The inside of my fridge: evidence that I’m still not a real adult.
I took the "Which 90`s Cartoon Are You?" quiz and got "You`re a fucking grown man. Stop it. Right now."