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it`s not that I`m bad at remembering names, I`m just awesome at forgetting them.
Facebook: Saving us money on birthday cards since 2004
I`m a pretty law abiding citizen, but overweight and out of shape security guards really make me want to test their commitment to the job.
I swear my cat was an alarm clock in a previous life...
Two Best Advices For Safe Life : 1. Always Speak The Truth, No Matter How Bitter Harsh It Is ... 2. Run Immediately After Saying It..
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver
I used to dream about becoming an astronaut. Now I just dream that there`s still time before the alarm goes off.
Sometimes, I`ll start a text with "lol" if it might be a sensitive subject. Like, "lol it`d be cool if you moved out."
Before meeting a hot chick, wish I could talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
Waiter, bring me a bowl of turtle soup and make it snappy.
I am fluent in three languages: English, Profanity, and Sarcasm
I love all religions. They bring holidays .
Iwent to Office Max to buy a drawing board, but they were sold out. I guess it`s back to the....oh rats...
I just spent ten minutes waving back to a guy in a storefront window before I realized he was just cleaning the glass.
I`m sorry I said your head looks too small to power your body.