Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
As a kid, i was afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I am terrified of the electrical bill.
I’m sorry I’m late. I saw a drawing of the sun wearing sunglasses and spent 4 hours wondering what the f**k he was protecting his eyes from.
Nothing makes you feel more like a kid than the right breakfast cereal. Lucky Charms for me please!
Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I`d love to bring a guest.
Those Box Tops that raise money for schools really should be on wine labels and cases of beer.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of planes.
I thought about cleaning my room this weekend but didn`t do it. Then I remembered its the thought that counts so I feel better now
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
I got 99 problems but a least my name aint North West.
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon ....I think I`m gonna be pretty good at it.
My phone tried to autocorrect "f*cking" to "f*ck king," and I was like hell yeah I am.
According to my current parking spot, I`m Chief of Police.
If a cop pulls over a U-Haul, he`s trying to bust a move.
Guys just want a virgin porn star and girls just want a dangerous safe guy.
One fun way to describe Facebook is “imagine you are a mind reader in Walmart.”