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Give Me A Minute While I Pretend To Care!
I hear Internet Explorer 10 is going to allow you to download and install Firefox up to three times faster.
I`m so hungry I could Instagram a horse.
Humans are so stupid! This is why aliens probe us. They think our brains are up our butts.
When a man talks dirty to a woman it`s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man it`s $3.95 per minute.
Why isn`t there a roomba that cuts grass? Probably some stupid law about sending a blade wielding robot out into the neighborhood.
It took me quite some time to be this good a procrastinator
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
My boss told me that if I can`t show up sober then don`t bother coming to work tomorrow. Three day weekend!
is here. Now what are your other two wishes?
"If your reading this, I think your awesome!"
If you emphasize the ‘po’ in police they’re probably already after you.
The best time to re evaluate your life is when you find your self awake at 3 am reluctantly nodding yes to the questions being asked at the beginning of an infomercial
I`m going to become a hermit as soon as I find a cave with a decent wifi connection.
Mosquito`s and parking inspectors must be from the same family...