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Decided to make a life altering decision today.... When I think of it I`ll let you know
My therapist told me today that I need to stop talking to inanimate objects, but I mean he`s just a lamp so what does he really know anyway
My New Year`s resolution for 2014 is to do something about my procrastination.
Anyone else ever thought about farting into one of those plastic cylinders at the bank drive-thru?
How can I love nature when it did this to my hair?
Just found out What the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.
How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?
My apartment is so dirty that I actually lost my last girlfriend to the 5 second rule.
If I don`t clean my house soon, someone is going to bring in blindfolded ppl for a Frebreeze commercial.
I read in the Bible that people used to get stoned to death, that`s a lot of weed.
The way I see it, every Friday is Good Friday.
When I was growing up, I was taught to walk and talk and when I was grown, I was told to sit down and STFU!!!
I am sweet, lovable, kind, shy, and innocent ... Oh, for heaven`s sake! Stop laughing!
If I lived everyday like it was my last, the body count would be staggering.