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Pretending to tolerate other people is exhausting.
there is a big difference between spray tanned and looking like you rolled in nacho chesse doritos.
Roses are red vilouts are blue your moms beautiful what happened to you!
Do stupid people ever hit a point in their life, where they realize they’re stupid?
I`m beginning to think the only reason I buy bananas is to watch them die a painful death on my counter.
I prefer to be crazy and happy rather than normal and bitter......
I think all priuses are gay transformers living here on earth
I hope your day is as nice as your butt.
Don’t look unless you’re prepared to see.
I bet now a lot of doctors are going to be reluctant to respond to “Is there a doctor on the plane?”
How do you know if your girlfriend is getting fat?...She fits into your wife`s clothes.
The only complaint I have about being married is being married.
I’m glad MTV has shows like Teen Mom 3 so girls have good role models besides Miley.
I lost my mood ring today. Not sure how to feel about it
A bachelor party seems more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.