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Woke up with morning wood but she wouldn`t!
I don`t hate you, I`m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
Women are so jealous. I bet Eve counted Adam`s ribs everyday to see if another woman had been created.
"You know, I wish I`d never gone to the pool that day." ~Marco Polo
Be thankful for stupid people, they make it easier for the rest of us to get ahead in life.
Own the day
Show him you care by setting his house on fire so he will have to move in with you and never be lonely again.
cofeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee... Wheeeeeeeeee!
Cops love donuts…. just not when you do them on a four lane highway.
It`s all fun and games...unless there`s cookies, then it`s serious
You`re never too old to ride in a radio flyer wagon but apparently you can be too fat.
I`m smiling ... You should be scared.
Life is like a burrito. If you fill it with too many things it falls apart and then you cry and they kick you out of Chipotle.
I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping. Unfortunately it cost me my YMCA membership.
My new diet plan consists of multiple naps. Because you can`t stuff your face when you`re sleeping.