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Of all the bands named after handicapped jungle animals, Def Leppard is my favorite.
"They Dared Me To" should be a legitimate excuse in a Court of Law.
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles?
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it…
"I don`t care if you think it sounds gross, that`s what we`re calling it" -Guy who named the sweater.
Gym update: not there
I took up the game of Golf recently. . .but I had too much trouble getting through that windmill.
There is a method to my madness….and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable
Answering my phone and saying... FBI fraud division. Has really cut down on the telemarketers.
For Christmas I just want summer...
The problem with alcohol is that... it wears off.
Looks like I’m in the doghouse again, but I don’t know why. All I said to the wife was, “Is there anything important you want to tell me before the World Cup starts?”
I repaired my blow up doll with superglue.....that was an awkward trip to the emergency room (<>..<>)
The first guy who made fire by rubbing two sticks together probably did a lot of other weird sh!t.