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They might want to put a picture of that airplane on a milk carton.
“It would take too long to explain…” Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”
Plan B includes margaritas.
If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
A cop just pulled me over -- asking if I knew my tail light was out? I said, `Uh uh. I drive on the inside of my car`
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
You’re the shampoo in the eyes of my life.
If you have ever sat in the toilet at work and wondered how long you can sit there before someone searches for you, the answer is 47 minutes
There`s a special place in hell reserved for the guy that decided what time McDonalds beakfast ends.
Just because leggings stretch dont mean yo 465 pound a$$ should be in them!
My Hamster passed today, he fell asleep at the wheel.
Sometimes not being in control is the most awesome feeling in the world.
I always give my extra money to Charity. She is usually on the main stage around 11pm.
I self medicate, therefore you live.
If flying is really so safe, then why is it called the `terminal`?