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I believe in karma that means I can do bad things to people I don’t like and assume they deserved it.
Me- We need eggs. Hub- How many? Me- One. See if they will sell you just one.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 7 am is sexy... Then yeah, I`m your guy.
Hardest thing in life: Trying to look happy when no money falls out of your birthday card.
If intelligent people don’t start having babies as fast as the trash in “honey boo boo”, we’re headed for a very dumb future. Am I the only one that sees this?!
This "doing nothing" is hard work, how am I supposed to know when I`m done?
How big does a cupcake have to be before it`s just a cake?
Has it ever occurred to optimists and pessimists that the glass is refillable?
I think it`s safe to take the fax numbers off our business cards, now, everybody.
I got in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich.
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
I did not steal your drink. You abandoned it and I rescued it.
It`s ok to admit when you`re wrong. Just don`t tell anyone.
I feel like doing something productive today. If I sit here long enough, maybe it will go away.
I sneak alcohol into work because I`m a problem solver.