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If it walks like a duck and it looks like a duck, the chances are she`s practising for her next selfie
When I say “the other day” I could mean yesterday or 5 years ago there’s no in between.
someone took my mood ring away... dont know how i feel about it
Worrying: a waste of imagination.
If you ever come over unannounced, it`ll take me at least three minutes to answer the door because there is no way I was already wearing pants.
I can update Facebook from anywhere. Even when crossing the stre
I heard she was born naked!! That slut!
I have removed all the unhealthy food from my house ... It was delicious.
eHarmony has a 24 month plan. How ugly do you have to be to need 2 years to find someone?
I`m just saying a sarcasm font could go a loooong way!
I consider each one of my friends a gift. Now if only I could remember where I put some of those receipts.
Being fat = Lowers your chance of getting kidnapped.
Show some cleavage on bad hair days.
Donald Duck, saying screw you to pants since 1934.
Babies dont have parents, they have staff.