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Don`t rush me, I`m waiting until the last minute.
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza
Don`t date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison.
Thought cartoons were getting better. Turns out it was a news story about Justin Bieber.
A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him that`s the last thing I need.
We`re all mature until someone pulls out bubble wrap.
50 notifications later I regret ever commenting on your status.
I just bought all six seasons of Hoarders on DVD
The reason I talk to myself is because Iām the only one whose answers make any f*cking sense.
Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates
Confucius would have been great at Status Updates......
Have you ever wondered if Dora is smuggling drugs in her backpack?
Be the type of gentleman that holds the door open for your girl, but smacks her ass as she walks in.
For a guy who makes as many bad decisions as I do, I feel like I should be having more fun.
If your day was that bad, why do you assume we want to know about it?