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Attempting to guilt me in to doing something, is the surest way to make sure it never happens.
Ever had sex while camping!? It`s intents!
Nothing says "My balls are kept in a jar inside her purse" quite like a joint Facebook account
There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
PMS is no joke, you guys. I just ate like three bags of Reese`s Pieces. Oh, and my wife`s really being a bitch.
People say circumcision dosen`t hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn`t walk for nearly a year.
"Trust me, you can dance." -Vodka
A hospital is the only commercial establishment where the worse service they provide you, the more you`ll come back.
My medical ID bracelet says "just let it happen"
Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking ``Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?``
Haters gunna hate,potatoes gunna patate!!
My therapist says I`m paranoid, which is exactly what you might expect from a shapeshifting lizard hired by the CIA to track my whereabouts.
I`m going to start tackling random guys in football jerseys saying "look how he`s dressed. He was asking for it!"
Your screenshots of text message conversations tell me: 1. you have a great sense of humor 2. to never trust you
Do a little dance... Drink a lot of rum... Fall down tonight...