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Could you please put your screaming baby on vibrate.
I have this great midnight snack it`s called, what do I think my roommate won`t notice if I eat the edges off of
Sometimes it takes me 8 hours to get nothing done.
That weird moment when u just say "what`s up " to someone and they thing you`re a shrink.
The officer said, "you drinking?" I said, "you buying?" then we both laughed and laughed... And now I need bail money.
i wonder if fish get thirsty .
I love all religions. They bring holidays .
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it.. So now I have to live in constant fear.. O_o
I`m 50% sure this cross eyed guy is starring at my tits.
Arguing in sign language must be a workout.
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!:D
Volleyball is just a more intense game of "Don`t let the balloon touch the floor"
Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
"Don`t let a hot date turn into a due date."--my father`s actual sex talk with me when I was 13.
Anyone who calls it a "day off with the kids"... Either has no kids or doesn`t know what "day off" means.