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Life is very funny, if you take the time to watch it.
When you have a lot, you have hair. When you only have a few, you have hairs.
I´m playing that game where the floor is made of lava, so I obviously can´t get off the couch or I´ll die.
I think I have a serious problem---Today I was reading the newspaper and found myself looking for the "Like" button.
Hello is this HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There`s liquor and you can`t hear them.
I wish I had the confidence of a male flight attendant
Not to get technical… but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.
Good things come to those who wait ... Which explains why I`m always late.
I hate it when spiders just sit there acting like they pay rent.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house.
Gently placing your finger on someone’s lips and saying, “Shh, not another word,” is super romantic but cops don’t seem to think so.
Happy 15th birthday google, 3 more years and you will be able to search for adult sites legally
I just made an emergency survival kit. You know, for emergencies. It looks like all my other kits, but don`t be fooled; this one is red and has more liquor.
Some of you are like family to me. I don’t want you calling me either.