Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Nothing is more dangerous than a woman “gathering her thoughts”.
Age has its advantages. Too bad I can`t remember what they are.
Don`t ask me stupid questions and I won`t hurt your stupid feelings.
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast
If anyone is interested, I’ll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 1:00 PM until I’m escorted out by security.
I’m sorry I offended you with my common sense.
Driving to work would be so much better if I didn’t always end up at work.
My house has really let itself go.
Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.
Here’s a joke for all you mind readers out there…
No matter how fast you run, the serial killer always walks faster.
I wish there was a way to find out how many boners you’ve caused in a lifetime, I wanna check my stats.
The real heroes are the people who live within driving distance of their in-laws.
Trail Mix: M&Ms with obstacles
I spend my weekends farting in libraries and then shushing people that complain.