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Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, "Please wear."
Damn boy! Are you a slinky? Cause I wanna wanna push you down a flight of stairs, then kick you when you stop halfway to the bottom.
You health nuts are gonna feel real stupid when you`re laying in the hospital dying of nothing.
If someone hates you for no apparent reason, give them one.
I`m not insulting you, I`m describing you.
Haters gonna hate, your honor
I found my wife through online dating. So, she`s definitely got some explaining to do!
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as Kraft singles?
I`ve been single so long now I don`t remember what it`s like for someone to be mad at me for something I didn`t even know it did!
I hate it when people dont know the differece between Ur and U`r
I thought about exercising all day long. I am so exhausted.
The guy that discovered milk.. What did you tell your friends were you doing to that cow? O_o
I`m just 1 nap, 8 beers, 2 orgasms and my own personal robot away from this being the best day ever.
I`ve dieted and worked out enough to realize that the only way I`m getting smokin` hot is by getting cremated.
Imagine my disappointment when I discovered a "Booby Prize" really wasn`t boobies at all...:(