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To error is human, to forgive is divine, to keep your damn mouth shut is much appreciated.
Scientists say the Universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons... They forgot to add Morons.
I hope to get to the point in my life where I’m not excited about finding change on the ground.
Life is different in Christian frats: “You should’ve seen this hot chick I didn’t bang.” “Way to save it for marriage, bro.” *fist bump*
Blood moon, shooting stars....I gotta move to a safer galaxy
Alcohol doesn’t make you fat… it makes you Lean… on tables, chairs & random ugly people.
How old do I have to be when I can start pulling in front of cars without looking?
There’s a police helicopter above my house right now, so I’m cashing in and calling everyone who has ever said “when pigs fly.”
Nicknames are way more fun when people don’t know they have them.
You seem to have a good grip on reality. You`re new here, aren`t you?
SAFETY TIP: Lock your doors and windows before bed. By the way, I love what you`ve done with the place.
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of it!
How come they didn`t call this years game the BUD bowl?
I`m starting to wish I were a werewolf so I`d have a better reason for waking up nude in public with no memory of how I got there.
I`ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!