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Is it hibernation time yet? Because I am 100% into that.
You never realize what you have till its gone... Toilet paper is a good example.
When my friends ask me to babysit, I ask if the kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
Playing dead on the couch all day in case a bear attacks. That`s not lazy, that`s proactive.
I’ve been that, done that, had that, lost that, needed that and felt that. Just a few of the many reasons why I always drink to “that”.
That disappointing moment when you pull up to work and it`s not fully engulfed in fire.
Its amazing how much more tolerable thanksgiving with the family becomes after the 5th cocktail…
Your a$$ must be jealous everytime sh*t comes out of your mouth.
I’m a pervert, but in a romantic way.
YOU KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!
The hardest part about having a vivid imagination is finding enough things to climb on to avoid all the frickin’ lava on the floor!
I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at WalMart than I do at the gym.
It`s as if none of these people have ever seen a beer hat at the gym before.
I threw a shotgun shell at my daughter`s date. ..then I told him it`s much faster after 11pm
If you really can make $10,000 a month working from home why would anyone take the harder job of nailing those signs to trees?