Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin.. I don’t even know what that means but now I’m hungry.
If it doesn`t include antidepressants, they shouldn`t call it a Happy Meal.
Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.
Did you know that one minute of kissing burns 26 calories? No wonder those sluts are so damn skinny.
My brain is about as well organized as the Walmart $5 dvd bin.
Instead of going to couples therapy, married people should just join tinder and see what a nightmare single people have to deal with.
If it`s really the thought that counts, we`re ALL screwed. LOL ;)
Shout out to old people for graduating high school without Google.
I can make your gf scream louder than you can. - Spider
For once in my life, I’d like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my p@nis is.
How do we not have lightsabers yet? Its like scientists aren´t even trying.
Currently helping my sister look for her chocolate`s I ate 4hrs ago.
Twice-baked potatoes, refried beans, etc.: Damn, people, cook it right the first time or get out of the kitchen!
One man`s LOL is another man`s WTF
I usually spend my Mondays texting apologies but I`ve had an alcohol free weekend now I have nothing to do.