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Age sure does change your perspective. Lots of things I hated when I was a kid I love now... like having nothing to do, going to bed early, watching the news, spankings.... stuff like that.
Last night my wife said to me, “What would you do without me?” Apparently, “Your sister” was the wrong answer.
That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to Bounce of 3 walls, Knock over a lamp and kill a cat.
If life Sucks, what makes you think death doesn`t Blow??
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
I hate it when I put a status and you don`t like it,example this one.
If you are going to write in the dust on my car, please dont date it
For a generation that allowed YOLO, BAE, and KIM KARDASHIAN to happen, you sure have a lot of f*cking opinions on how things should be run.
You bring the friendship, I`ll bring the benefits.
Man, the first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
Why do they leave folding chairs so close to the wrestling ring? Shouldn’t the maintenance staff have learned their lesson by now?
I’m not a “stalker”. I want to make sure you’re okay at all times. You can look at me as an unpaid bodyguard.
Of course I like you, I gave you that roofie didn`t I?
The correct term for gluten-free, sugarless, vegan brownies is "compost."