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Getting married at 22 sounds alot like leaving the party at 9:30
I`m bringing sexy back...if I only I can remember where I had it last....
I`ve found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.
Friday is like a superhero that always arrives just in time to prevent me from savagely beating my coworkers with a keyboard.
If your significant other is mad at you, put a cape on them and say "Now you`re super mad!" If they laugh marry them.
The way you feel when your phone dies is exactly how Cinderella must have felt at midnight
Women seem to want security. At least that`s what they yell whenever I approach them.
If you receive an e-mail that says: ``FREE JUSTIN BIEBER CONCERT TICKETS`` Don`t open it! It may contain free Justin Bieber concert tickets.
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the coffee and went straight for the booze?
The worst thing about rich people is I`m not one of them.
I keep hitting the escape key ... But I`m still here.
I bet you can`t keep the funny and not funny the same number.
Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn`t matter. It`s all good. But a Pepsi drinker...
Do me a favor if someone tells you they don`t like me , tell them I don`t like them either.
Pumpkin for sale! [slightly used]