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" a fool and his money ----- are never around when you need a loan......"
“I’ll be speaking with my lawyer” is the adult version of saying “I`m telling mom”
It`s really quite simple ... I do what I want! ... The End.
I can`t believe I was late for work tomorrow..
I bet the first person that heard a parrot talk really lost their sh!t.
Inspirational status of the day: Don`t be a douche.
I wish the buck stopped here…I could use a few.
"I`m glad the weekends over" -Nobody ever
Good things come to those who wait ... Which explains why I`m always late.
I`ve been on a diet for 2 weeks and all I`ve lost is 14 days.
A smile is the same in every language, I`m pretty sure the pee pee dance is too
If she is still able to walk to the kitchen after s@x , you don`t deserve a sandwich.
I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.
It`s only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" become a hit reality show.
I bet guys that work at strip clubs are "hard" workers...