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Sometimes all you need is $500 million dollars.
The guy that discovered milk...What was he doing to that cow?
I told my psychiatrist that I`ve been hearing voices. He told me that I don`t have a psychiatrist.
I don`t know what`s scarier. Houses with Halloween decorations or houses that still have up Christmas decorations from last year.
with great power...comes great electric bill...
My pants are 75% off.
I`ll just admire you from afar.. Or 500ft. That`s what this paper says.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
WikiHow suggested 9 Ways to Celebrate Earth Day.... I did all by ?#? SLEEPING?the whole day! How???? I smoked less, used water/power less etc. Wikiwikiwiki!!!!!
This donut scented car freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
I`m the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I know how to hide a dead body.
Werewolves tend to transform only upon noticing a full moon already in the sky, implying the affliction is 100% psychological.
I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup, and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.
new years resolution #1: stop losing the powerball