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I know a lot of women who should substitute their lipstick with glue sticks.
I met a woman on a dating site that said she was high maintenance when I finally saw her it looked more like she was in need of major repairs
If a bra is called an `over the shoulder bolder holder`, then what would you call men underwear? Under the butt nut hut
So the other day a girl asked me to Facebook her, needless to say she wasn`t to happy after I hit her in the face with a book
Does a transformer get car insurance or life insurance?
I just scrolled so far back on Facebook`s Timeline... I wound up back over on MySpace. :(
This salad tastes like I`m about done with my New Year`s Resolution.
It`s all sh*ts and giggles till somebody giggles and sh*ts
I saw a spider in my bathtub. So I took a tissue and very, very carefully, burned the house down.
National no bra day wasn`t as successful as the creators had hoped. due to sagging attendants and lack of support.
Why do people have to get ready for bed? I’m always ready for bed
I didn’t say “what?” because I can’t hear you. I was giving you a chance to change what you said.
If she burns the bacon, she`s no good bro
Turns out the plastic bag they put in your ice bucket at a hotel isn`t for to-go bacon from the breakfast buffet.
I wish my bank account refilled as fast as my laundry basket.