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I`m pretty sure my Internet Explorer “error reports” end up the same place my letters to Santa do.
Apparently sleeping your way to the top doesn`t mean dozing off in meetings or taking naps in the copier room.
Why do we call it toilet paper? Does anyone wipe their toilet with it?
Just googled "who gives a sh!t?" My name wasn`t in the search results.
If I agree with you, we would both be wrong.
Sorry, I`m in a hurry, lets talk while we walk... You go that way.
When I was your age we had to open all doors by ourselves ... None of them knew we were coming.
Don`t worry about the grass on the other side. It`s not your grass.
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I`m cute, I would have 1 dollar ... thanks mom.
Doctor said only clear liquids before surgery. Vodka qualifies right?
The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she’s never around when I’m awake.
If you enter a room and there`s no food, you`re in the wrong room.
My friend said "hey that girl has a nice butt" I said "yes i bet she can sit down excellently "
In the word "scent" is it the s that is silent or the c?
The only good thing about being an alcoholic is that no one ever asks me to drive them anywhere.