Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks..I`m in public.
Doctor: How is your headache? Me: She is fine.
"I`m only having one" ...said by many, practiced by none.
’twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, everyone was screaming ... cuz I went into the wrong house.
Old is when you start thinking about the things you used to do more than the things you’re going to do.
Everything I know about women, I learned from the Wizard of Oz. For example: If a woman sees a pair of shoes she wants, she`ll drop a house on the bitch to get them.
Right now my life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
Facebook is like my fridge… I know there is nothing there but I check it every 10 minutes anyways.
Never trust a married guys opinion of who’s hot. It’s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.
I don`t blame Monday. I blame Saturday for not matching my Powerball numbers
C`mon Netflix, we both know I`m watching the next episode. Just go ahead and start it.
Turns out a At Home DNA Test is not a good baby shower gift.
For just once in my life I want my phone to ring and for someone on the other end to ask if I`m on a `secure line`
According to my current parking spot I`m a physician.
My problem is, I`m about 30% stud, and 70% muffin.