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Almost time for my nightly foursome......... Me, my bed, my pillow and my blanket! What the hell were YOU thinkin` you perv!!!!!!
I love a good nap. Sometimes it`s the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.
Wine is just grapes for procrastinators.
Instead of calling in sick, call in well. Tell them how great you feel not having to go to work today.
Just printed out 50 copies of today’s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I’m just not in the mood for small talk.
I either get what I want or I change my mind!
A "long story" is just a short story that no one wants to tell.
Same sex marriage? Heck, I know couples who would be happy with a SOME sex marriage
Whenever I`m out somewhere there is a 99% chance I am thinking about going home and sleeping.
"Something`s wrong. He`s never walked this far before."- what my shoes would say if you walked a mile in them.
Sunday morning = lazy lay in my bed and fart under my sheets all day :)
If a vegan does crossfit which do they talk about first?
Dreams are like pictures. I don`t care about yours unless I`m in them.
If there is such thing as a fake noodle, does that make it an impasta?
That awkward moment when you forget what you’re watching during the commercial break.