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Who says nothing is impossible. I´ve been doing nothing for years.
There aren’t enough days in the weekend.
Ever seen a person so disgusting you hold your breath when you walk by them? Yea I have.
That moment when you put your pants on, take a few steps, and feel something crawling down your leg! You grab it on the outside so it doesn`t crawl any further....and then you sigh in relief and thank God the dryer sheet doesn`t bite!
Weird that we don`t see more pants on fire
You`d think he`d be better at this with all the porn he watches
Pro tip: Do not make snow angels in a dog park.
I can eat anything in the house unless it was specifically bought for my wife but the only way to know it`s for her is to eat it. Apparently
Still waiting for a criminal on Law and Order to say,,, "Hey,, Aren`t you Ice-T?"
You know what I hate? People who answer their own questions.
You call it camping. I call it getting drunk with insects.
In my day we had to roll the windows up and down with our bare hands.
If Shakespeare is correct and "all the world is a stage" then I seriously would like to be in control of that trap door.
Just ate a sleeve of crackers on my wife`s side of the bed.. I`ll let you know...
I don`t use cocaine, I just like the way it smells.