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I`ve decided to go my own way and think "inside the box" to be different ... Wow its dark in here!
Unlike milk, it is acceptable to cry over spilled beer.
I`m pretty sure if someone broke into my house, my dog would just show them how much he likes to lick his balls
Sorry, I can`t hangout. My uncle`s cousin`s sister in law`s best friend`s insurance agent`s roommate`s pet goldfish drowned. It was tragic.
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
I met this girl in a club last night, I think she’s a body builder. She just so happened to build hers using chips.
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it`s strapped to the top of someone`s car.
Working from home and HR already cited me for sexual misconduct.
this is a status you spent your time reading: sj
I’ve realized I get ridiculously nervous driving behind semi’s or trucks carrying sh!t that could fall out and impale me all because of final destination 2.
I can read your mind, your thinking about sex right now, no wait, wait.. that`s my mind, sorry, I can read my mind. . .
I`m not giving the kids a time out. I`m giving myself one. The thought of sitting in a corner & being ignored sounds just heavenly.
United Airlines was just voted number one in Chinese takeout!
Back in my day we had 9 planets.
Back in the day, Mom gave us two dinner choices. What she cooked or jack sh!t....