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Don`t rush me, I`m waiting until the last minute.
A good office manager never let`s you run out of ink, paper or vodka
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out.
Who`s up for some curling in my driveway?
Happy 4th of July ... U can toss out the Christmas tree now
What if all this time it`s been Chicken that taste like Frog legs????
Id explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons with me.
ME- I love it when you lay me down like that, the way you touch my belly and put cold things on me baby DOCTOR- Miss this is a medical examination and you are making me extremely uncomfortable
Bowling is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
my entire life is a "had to be there" moment
Nobody really dates anymore. You just make eye contact, text, hang out, and next thing you know all her clothes are in your closet....
Why do we even ask rhetorical questions?
I ordered myself an Eastern European bride online. SO EXCITED. Just received confirmation… My Czech is in the mail!
Hell hath no fury like a girl tagged in an unapproved pic on Facebook.
That time Homer`s arms were stuck in a vending machine until he realized he could just let go is basically what all of life is like