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Attempting to guilt me in to doing something, is the surest way to make sure it never happens.
No matter how many lasagna’s you stack on top of each other, ultimately it’s always just one lasagna
Women`s logic: I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.
I try to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
How much is appropriate to tip the police officer who opens the squad car door for you?
No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that ‘take off my bra and make it appear out of my sleeve’ thing that girls do.
Today I caught myself thinking of you and smiling... but it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
Finally in bed. No better time to start thinking about every possible thing that has or ever could happen.
“We don`t lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids
just keep scrolling nothing to see hear
If you`ve never baked pot brownies in an Easy Bake Oven... then you`ve never wrote an apology letter to your sister with an Etch A Sketch.
"Nothing there? Better bark at it." - my dog
I`m so in Debt, I could start a Government.
Today is boozeday, I mean Tuesday...same difference!
Studies show it’s totally okay for me to just say “studies show” in front of whatever I want to say.