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Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of grains that could`ve become beer, but didn`t
Crap, summer is here and I`m nowhere near in drinking shape yet.
I may love you...but everyone else thinks you suck! I was kidding... I think you suck too.
To drink, or not to drink?...what a stupid question!
Apparently, when asked by a Traffic Cop "Where you going in such a hurry?", "To your sister`s house!" is not considered respectful to a law enforcement official......
I can’t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend.
Basketball would be a lot more exciting if each team was allowed one bear.
Why are kids obese? Maybe because Burgers are $.99, & Salads are $4.99.
Fitbits are just like Tamagotchis, except the stupid little creature you have to keep alive is yourself.
I only drink on two occasions; when its my birthday and when its not.
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place to have sex.
Nothing is more heartbreaking than unappreciated sarcasm!
Why would I pay someone to scare me at a haunted house when I could just open a can of biscuits at home?
When women say “It’s not what’s on the outside, it’s what’s on the inside that counts”, we all know they are talking about a Man’s wallets.
I am not lazy, I`m on power saving mode