Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
liquor stores should sell Shamwows.. I bet they would conquer any challenge alcohol can conjure up. spills.. puke.. all kinds of messes.
wonders how you can knock sense into someone when you`re beating them senseless?
Invite me to your wedding . Invite me to go have fun , but please stop inviting me to your farm .
You ran a marathon? I ran like 5 red lights this week...
Conspiracy theory for conspiracy theorists: Your conspiracy theories were planted by the government to distract you from real conspiracies.
Not to brag, but I can spend hours coming up with reasons not to do something that takes 5 minutes.
I`m awesome...just ask me...!!!!
Just completed my sexual harassment training and I think I`m finally ready to start harassing people.
A high-pressure hose will usually stop a coworker from showing you any more baby photos.
My head hurts, I think my horns are coming in...
I know you shouldn`t text and drive but I`ve only had 2-3 texts tonight, tops, so I should be okay to drive.
Volleyball = A more intense version of don`t let the balloon hit the floor.
Besides being curled up on the bathroom floor convinced I was dying from liver failure for a few hours, last night was fun.
I end a sentence with `just saying` because ending with `dumba$$` would be offensive.
Paperclips: The staple for people with commitment issues.