Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you drink enough, your brain starts photo-shopping people.
If you are noticing this notice, you will have noticed this notice is not worth noticing
"Trust your gut" is terrible advice. How can I put trust in something that tells me to eat an entire pizza when I get drunk?
Thanks for accepting my friend request on Facebook, even though is was solely so I could gain full access to your profile and judge your life choices.
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have
Saw a boat with a sign that read "For Sale" so I added the missing "-ing"......Idiots can`t spell...
Advertising taught me that hair conditioner makes you move in slow motion.
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those meds.
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
If I had a dollar for every time I had a nickel.......
The greatest fear is NOT fear itself. It’s dropping your phone in a port-a-potty!
If you want to take a bank teller out on a date, just ask her. Don`t slip her a note at the window. Trust me on this.
I`m hungry, but I`m not `cook something` hungry.
Got kicked out of the casino again. Apparently, gold chocolate coins mess up their slot machines or something.
You know that little thing inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn`t? ... Yeah, I don`t have one of those.