Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the hell.
Why do prostitutes charge per hour? I mean, what are we supposed to do for the other 57 minutes?
It’s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
I really need to clean the house, but I`m thinking it`d be a lot faster to burn it down and start from scratch...
I don`t know if I`ve got some free time, or if I just forgot what the hell I`m supposed to be doing...
why me is me ?
I`m drinking like there`s snow tomorrow.
I get nervous after taking time off work, that in my absence my boss will realize how little I actually do at the office.
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow, but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine.
Oh, a spider just landed on my desk... In other news,,, When startled, I can jump 5 feet in the air with just the power of my ass cheeks.
Facebook is perfect for those people that have never been very good at waiting for their turn to speak.
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever...
Next time I`m on an elevator with four or more strangers, I`m going to turn around and say, "I`m sure you`re wondering why I`ve gathered you all here."
After reading some marriage post, I`m beginning to suspect we all may have been married to the same person.
I will literally spend $20 on food but won’t buy a $20 shirt.