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Just did 100 crunches. Crumbs everywhere.
Doctor says I`m morbidly a beast. Thanks doc.
I never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version?
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
If your girlfriend claims to never look at your Facebook profile, change your status to "single" and wait 5 minutes.
Always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday.
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering all my questions...
If at first you don`t succeed, you should have done it my way in the first place.
How do some people manage to sit on it and talk out of it at the same time?
Good morning my friends ... Wait a minute ... What the f*ck am I doing up this early.
You can either agree with me, or you can be wrong.
The older I get, the more I sympathize with Squidward`s anger.
Women.Some men undermine, disrespect and consider them weak,forgeting the countless spanks they got from their mothers
Donald Duck, saying screw you to pants since 1934.
I just called my boss and told him I have explosive diarrhea. It’s my day off, but I like to keep him informed.