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Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, "Notice anything different?"
If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN
Trying to figure out why I joined the gym when I have Photoshop.
You can test my patience all you want, but I’m never going to pass.
I`m 5`5" and a HALF. I think men should be pretty impressed that I consider half inches very important when measuring things.
I thought 70 was the new 50, but the cop still gave me a ticket.
Sex, do it for the kids.
*Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*
If there were "Box Tops for Education" on cases of beer, my kid`s school would be rich.
Judging from all the misery and carnage on my newsfeed, I`m assuming it`s Monday.
It`s everyone`s favorite holiday season where we try to guess if that was a firework or gunshot
Legalizing same sex marriage. I thought all sex was the same after marriage.
I have no idea how I use to get around in the dark before I had a cell phone.
The majority of Americans support sending Congress to Syria.
I’ve found the best way to learn your co-workers’ names is by eating their food in the office fridge