Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
K-Y should be called K-WHEN, because we already know why.
That awkward moment when you make a Harry Potter reference and none of your Muggle friends get it.
Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push
Detroit and Chicago seem to be getting it right as of late. Limit all politicians to two terms. One in elected Office and one in prison.
I never care whether or not my glass is half full or half empty... cause I drink straight from the bottle!
Bend over and take it like a taxpayer.
My personality is 30% the last movie I watched.
Holding up score cards during sex is not acceptable, apparently.
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
Thoughts of you make my demons nervous.
I never run with scissors. (those last two words were unnecessary.)
A smart man washes his hands after he pees. A wise man doesn`t pee on his fingers.
What`s the point of blurring out the middle finger on TV, like oh you`ve fooled me, what`s behind that blur? Is it a monkey? A pencil?
Orgasms are alot like pizza. As long as I have pizza I don`t really care if you don`t have any pizza.
Just because she weighed as much as two women doesn`t mean you had a threesome