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President Obama says his daughters need minimum wage jobs to "learn what it means to work." May I suggest the same for members of Congress?
Tip of the day: When there’s a will…find a way to be in it!
After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself.
Grey Goose and Red Bull, because two sets of wings is better than one.
If a camera adds 10 pounds then maybe stop eating them
Anything can be considered your job if you hate it enough.
Threw my back out today reaching for the shampoo in the shower. But I`ll be telling everyone it`s from having sex while skydiving.
I’ll need a weekend to recover from this weekend.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything... Well, my phone number for a start.
I hate laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, dusting, fixing and fetching. The only logical conclusion is that I am descended from royalty.
OMG guys!! im so happy!! the doctors just gave me a jacket so im always hugging myself!!
At night I dump massive amounts of Legos on the floor in case anyone tries to rob my house bare footed.
I wish I had money so I could be eccentric instead of just weird.
If you want to bribe me food and beer works.
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment.