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If I won the lottery, I don`t think I would change much. I`d still be the same asshole, just one in a helicopter.
We should do this “3-day weekend” thing more often.
I wanted to say thank you to all the people who gave me a reason to drink this Friday night.
You know what’s more annoying than cops? People who buy old refurbished cop cars and keep the spotlight attached. We all hate you.
It`s weird to think that these Forever Stamps will outlive me.
On Mondays I like to reply to all my bosses emails with `unsubscribe`
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it, now I live in constant fear.
bitches want what they cant have..or thats what I keep telling myself
There is a 3-for-2 sale in my local shoe shop. I almost bought myself a new pair of shoes, but couldn`t decide whether to get an extra left or a right one as part of the offer....
I won employee of the month!!!…. again! I love being self employed.
I just want to be rich enough to pay people to not talk to me.
I like to skip when I`m carrying my flamethrower cause no one ever suspects a skipping girl of starting fires.
Redneck`s famous last words: "Is that enough duck tape?"
I usually spend my Mondays texting apologies but I`ve had an alcohol free weekend now I have nothing to do.
Sometimes I get mad about having to unload the dishwasher but then I remember a machine just washed my dishes for me.