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You’d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their ass in the mirror they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the heck.
Here`s to ignoring our real problems and getting outraged about something on the internet.
I`m going to go take a hot shower, it`s like a normal shower but with me in it
You never know what you have until..... you clean your room
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
Sometimes I STOP when it`s not even Hammer time
For fun, I steal my married friends phones & change my name to `Brandy from the club` then repeatedly call them & hang up at 3am.
Don`t apologize because you haven`t posted in a while. No one cared.
If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot..
One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
I tried to login on my iPad. Turns out it was an etch-a-sketch and I don`t own an iPad. Also. I`m out of alcohol.
You know you had an interesting day when your Google search history includes "rubber panda".
I started drinking a little early. Yesterday, to be more precise.
They said money can`t by happiness. But it can buy tattoos, car parts, and beer. What else could we need?