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You poor thing. You don`t even realize you`re batsh!t crazy, do you?
You can`t choose your family but you can choose a hitman.
Friends are like boobs... Some are real some are fake.
I miss that feeling you`d get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.
stupidity is a privelege entitled to everyone but you my dear are abusing this right
I just bumped into my old headmistress who said how weird it is to see me all grown up now. Surely it would be weirder if I was still 9.
To skip any youtube ad just change ‘youtube’ to ‘youtubeskip’ in the url of any video. You’re welcome.
If those Febreeze commercials with rooms filled with stinking, rotting garbage convince you to buy their product. Here`s a heads up for you........ You need to clean your freaking house!!!
My mind says go to the gym but my heart says food.
If the shoe fits . . . buy one in every color
"We`d be rich if you just said one f*cking word" - me, drunk, talking to my dog
My car is equipped with the best anti-theft device. I call it "No air conditioning".
I`m really sick of responsibility ... and underwear
Your clothes are making me extremely uncomfortable. Please, take them off.
I`m old enough to remember when having a long cord on the home phone was privacy.