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I`m going to be very disappointed if I go to England and nobody skips to the loo.
I hate crickets in my house.....except for the one I just killed. He seems ok.
If one door closes & another door opens, you’re probably in prison.
Sometimes after a nap, I like to take another nap.
I don`t speak Spanish, but I`m pretty sure "Dora" means "annoying"
Why are we still testing on animals when there are pedophiles in prison.
Don`t bother trying to figure me out...not even the little voices in my head understand me...it`s pointless.
When everything else fails... you always have delusion.
if i get a friend request from you and your profile picture is a car i`ll asume your a transformer
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them.
I got kicked out of a Yoga class today. Apparently, your not supposed to do the `Downward Dog` on top of another person.
My wife told me to strive for perfection, so I divorced her and started dating a swimsuit model.
There are 10 types of people in the world, Those that understand binary, and those who don`t.
HR says I`m not allowed to scream "OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP" when I walk through the front door at work anymore :(
I feel like we really lowered our expectations of what constitutes magic when we began using it to describe markers