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Funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers a day seems so easy
Pretty cool how the internet lets you stay connected with people you haven`t seen in years and silently judge them on a daily basis.
Fact: 96% of all arguments end with somebody saying “Google that shit!”
New word of the day: Stupidiot!!
If you see someone crying, ask if it`s because of their haircut.
How do people dumb enough to buy $500 sunglasses make enough money to buy $500 sunglasses?
If two cannibals fight, does that make it a food fight?
Trying to achieve the perfect erection. How hard could it be?
Remember when the scariest thing we had to deal with was computers forgetting what year it was
I`m not saying I`m bilingual but if you shout at me in German I`ll probably do whatever you want
I had a doctors appointment today. He said I was normal! See? I told you!!!
?”Nobody listens to me….” – Yellow traffic light
“Dad, I’m hungry.” “Hi, Hungry. I’m Dad.” - Every time.
Spice up your Facebook experience by making your status updates your google searches.
It’s amazing how easily “I have 10 minutes to waste before I need to leave” accidentally turns into “oh crap I’m running late.”