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I`m going to test my theory that tequila kills the flu... Or brain cells... Whatever, doesn`t matter... something`s gonna die tonight.
You know that you have eaten way too much junk food when you start actually craving something healthy.
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old...
Studies confirm that smoking withdrawal (for me) can be fatal (for you).
I just stepped on a cornfkake does that make me a cereal killer ?
Happy St. Patrick`s Day to the fool that gave up alcohol for Lent.
Forget resolutions, Imma just say from now on... TGIS "Thank God I Survived" ! :)
Do you ever feel like you`re in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
As i walk thru the valley of the shadow of death i was like what da f**k am i doin here
It feels like one of them days..... ya know? When you wanna fart and blame the other person for it!
In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn`t move but should, use the WD-40. If it should not move and does, use the duct tape
uncle Sam can`t be related to me because family wouldn`t do me like this.
I feel like I would enjoy getting out of bed more if I only had to do it like 3 times a week. This every day thing is overkill.
I don`t care how loud I`m laughing, I`m having fun and you`re not.
Do you ever walk out of a bathroom and want to put a sign on the door that says "I was just peeing It smelled that way when I went in there"