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why earn money when it comes easier when you just ask
Ahhh another Monday at work...... I`m having as much fun as a colorblind person playing Twister!
I`ve never been as disappointed as my dog just was when she realized the food I dropped was a carrot.
If you borrow my laptop and the volume is at 16% go wash your hands immediately
I never make stupid mistakes ... only very clever ones
There is a method to my madness....and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable.....
Dear Haters, I have so much more for you to be mad at me for...please be patient.
My pessimism has never failed me, but I`m sure someday it will.
I live for two reasons. 1) I was born. 2) I haven`t died yet.
Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
This year thousands of men will die from stubbornness....NO WE WON`T!!
Does this 50 pound bag of cat food make me look single?
Sometimes I just go on Facebook to see who has been dumped and who is pregnant.
Saw these three things on a corner, in this order: Liquor store, gun store, bank. What could possibly go wrong with that?
DAAAAY-OH! DAAaay-oh! Monday come and me wanna go home.