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If gas prices keep going up I`m cutting off the bottom of my car and I`m "Flintstoning" That mf!
I hope these bad jokes distract you from the fact you`re getting screwed. - Car insurance commercials
You can test my patience all you want, but I’m never going to pass.
If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together would they call it Amazon Web Services?
Anybody else have that annoying problem of Work and Family interfering with your FaceBook time?
I like when videogames limit how many things you can hold. "You have 100 items in an invisible bag. Carrying another would be unrealistic"
If anyone has ever told you that you snore, just know that person has very carefully weighed the pros and cons of letting you live.
I glued the TV remote to my wife. I`m expecting her to go missing any second now.
Sometimes my kid likes me, but I`m pretty sure it`s only because I`m his Oreo dealer.
Its sad that we live in a world that puts words into the dictionary if enough stupid people use it.
This century is already 15% over.
It`s been rough today, right now I`m busy trying to lasso the tv remote with my phone charger cord.
I`m saving all my good posts for when I can think of some.
Some people live life in the fast lane. You’re in oncoming traffic.
If you catch me doing a selfie at work, at least offer to take the pic for me.